Smile
by lunar-kunoichi
Summary: When your mind is split in two and combined at the same time, you are bound to be confused. But Sakura knows what she will do. Companion to Teardrops


**SMILE**

BY LUNAR-KUNOICHI

FOR guess, now that I think about it, I never really needed Uchiha Sasuke to live properly. If I did, I would not be here today, perhaps not happy, but not exactly unhappy either. I was living in a dream for years of my life, betraying my best friend for just one guy, who betrayed the whole village. He did me a favour though. It wasn't until he finally left that the pain woke me up to my duties to my parents, living properly and making something of myself. His betrayal strengthened my friendship with Ino in the end, until we were closer than before. But now, despite the support of the other kunoichi, I cannot stay any longer.

Love is a strange thing. I do not need Sasuke, and yet I still want him, despite everything he has done. I am not beautiful; maybe I can be called pretty sometimes, and to most people, A.K.A his fan club, I am not worthy. Naruto says otherwise… _said_ otherwise. He thinks Sasuke is not worthy of me. But if I think about it, to whomever that might have seen the adventures of Team Seven, Team Eight, and Team Ten, I might be the most hated of them. So perhaps the fans are right. But whatever they say, I am still leaving.

Konoha has little for me; Tsunade and Naruto and Kakashi, my parents… but they don't fill the gap in my heart. I don't know if Sasuke can either – something in me _changed_ when he left me unconscious. And it is over time I go to look for him, to find out. I do not think it is _he_ I want to find, must just the answers to my curiosity, which expands bigger than the distance my travels of ninja, have taken me.

The only person who might even guess I am leaving is Ino. She saw me packing a. hour or so back, and I do not think she believed it when I told her it was a long mission I had attended for. The excuse will hold; she cannot, as a Chuunin, access all the missions of another Chuunin quickly enough to follow my footsteps – I am no longer the spoiled kunoichi who could not keep up with my team mates, although even now, when I am study under the famous Tsunade, I still seem to be running, but making no progress to catch up with their distancing backs.

I took my inspiration from Hinata, who has been called a missing shinobi. Something happened to her when she took that quick mission, I am sure. Thankfully as Tsunade's… former… apprentice, I managed to look into the case. The mission should have taken about five hours: she was a Chuunin, as I am. She had been missing for three days, as had the Hyuuga head. I believe they sent out guards for her the day before today, when I am walking towards the gate from the other side of the town. I will handle any ANBU who come; I must.

There was unfinished business I had to deal with. One was for Hinata, who I know will never return. You learn things about your flat mates, if you spend much time with them. Hinata was different from what others perceived. She was colder than ice, even though she wanted to warm up the rest of us, especially Naruto. I berate myself that I had not seen the connection before this; perhaps setting the two up will have kept her in Konoha. As her roommate, I have done enough; a letter to those who matter, in case she ever_ does_ return, against my beliefs.

I sound cold, do I not? Perhaps I might have been averted if Ino had not messed with my mind. It was not intentional; it was not even completely her fault. It was simply a training gone wrong. Ino and I were sparring. As best friends, it was only reasonable that we did so, and out competitiveness pushed us to work harder than the other. In the last few moments, when her physical strength could not match up to my power, Ino hid herself into the trees; her stealth had grown so only Hinata could still find her lurking about within green branches, waiting for a chance to attack.

We were all Chuunin. Even though Tenten was training for Jounin, I believe, before I left, she decided not to be stuck in the crossfire of pink and yellow heads. Ino, I remember, had been growing more and more desperate, until I let my guard down after a long pause in the fighting. I stopped and closed my eyes. She used one of the Yamanaka mind Jutsu on me, one she has perfected since the Chuunin Exams years and years back, where she first cut her long hair even further back.

Normally, the more violent side of my personality would have emerged to back me up. Unfortunately, Ino was growing strong enough to oppress me somewhat. I suppose she thought she had enough chakra to suppress what my friends dubbed, "Inner Sakura", where my feelings emerge in a flash of rage. Ino was right in some ways. She did manage to suppress the first wave of anger. Too back for her the second came before she was ready; this time my thoughts bounded out from the grip I unconsciously kept on it, and freed from the prison of will – that was where my will went, why I had no determination – 'Inner Sakura' decided to have some fun.

She had been ready to rage and fight and claw her way around Konoha. Ino managed to push her back. When she collided with, what I like to call, my _original_ personality, they decided, against all odds, to mix together into a strange form of bloodlust – which soon faded – iciness and restraint. You see, while Inner Sakura isn't quite who I am, she is still part of my personality, so cannot be drawn away; she proved far too strong for Ino to try and drive out of my head. Bloodlust and destroying are her main habits, although trapped deep in my head, she cannot possibly perform her sadistic ways unless I am sleepwalking. The personality I display, on the other hand, is due largely to restraint. I always acted pert around _him_, which I believed expressed what he like in a girl. I know better, but after the long time I acted to impress Sasuke, it became somewhat my personality. Neither could defeat the other, so the person I am now is still _me_; no foreign invaders, but a far cry from the person I used to be.

That happened the day Hinata left on her trip, when the three of us left behind still believed she was on her mission; back then, only a few days ago, no one but I suspected there was more lurking behind her lavender eyes than she chose to let us see. I wish I had known how right I was – still, had she not left, I might not be leaving either; she helped me unintentionally.

I know I will find Uchiha Sasuke and wrangle the answer out of him. Perhaps, once I hear his words the weight will lift off my heart; a weight no one knew about but, perhaps, for Naruto, who knew Sasuke as well as I reckon I did. He must feel this thudding of the strongest muscle in the body, which never rests even at high just as I do; the strange hollow sound where the compassionate part of me was hidden. This heaviness was there long before Ino performed the Mind-Body switch on me, merging my clashing personalities. Inner Sakura and my original personalities to what I am now; changed so from simple days before. The mixing of my mind has bestowed me with gifts previously unknown – how to generate more chakra, even more impeccable control, Jutsu Inner Sakura had been watching when my original personality were not… it will make me strong enough to escape to the Sound and find Sasuke.

I am surprised at what I am thinking; Sasuke seems to be the centre of my intentions yet again. But this time it is different – I do not want him, even though deep down I know I still love him. He has committed too many crimes to forgive, even with the more eccentric and sadistic side of me trying to come out and threaten countless people with my newfound skill. This time, the journey I make is for myself, not for Sasuke, who clearly wishes to bring his brother to justice, although his way is hardly forgivable either: Inner Sakura heard much the younger me did not understand, and has told me all her memories.

I am selfish, I acknowledge that; the part of me which wished to 'help' Sasuke has long since been suppressed by the colder I, the Sakura who will be ruthless to get what she wishes. And I want the true words Sasuke meant that day on the bridge – I will not force him to return to Konoha, if Sound is what he really wants, even though somewhere in the abyss which was once my heart still wishes for his company. In this way I have changed, although I am still considerate enough to tell Ino not to stop me, in terms she will understand perfectly through the look in my eyes.

It's truly ironic that Hinata was the one who inspired me. Usually, she's the one who needs inspiration. But unwittingly, she lent me my strength, which is the reason I am standing at this gate now. Before me are two ANBU, barely older than myself. Both male, both with their masks down. They must be recruits; they do not look emotionless – it is a mistake in their line of work.

"By order of the Hokage, all are confined in Konoha until Hyuuga Hiashi is replaced by Hyuuga Hanabi." One says quietly. He glances at me for a moment, then a short smile appears on his face, "Although I'm sure you could use your bodily talents to get past." He says.

I glance at him emotionlessly, before a smirk appears on my face. The two die that instant, their heads separated from their bodies. ANBU, what a joke, I think, if a mere Chuunin can defeat them. I just shrug, and leave. The forest looms up ahead, as do promise of a new life and freedom, which has always been denied to me. The walls fall further and further behind – soon, I will find my freedom. I smile when the 'bell of news' rings behind me. It isn't a happy one, but it is sincere and heartfelt.


End file.
